Sunday, January 29, 2017

Please Listen To Me!

Let's talk about Domestic Violence

Most likely we've all known someone who has been physically, emotionally or mentally abused. Maybe all 3. We wonder how they got into this situation and why they don't just leave.

Physical Domestic Violence includes such things as shoving, hitting, punching, slapping, pinching, choking and any other way of physically hurting someone. It is NEVER ok to hurt someone!

Destroying objects such as personal property, damaging cells phones, furniture, walls, vehicles, and forcing someone to have sex against their will.

Emotional/Mental abuse includes showing extreme jealousy, belittling one in front of others, controlling finances, and alienating their partner from family and friends. It may also include "Gaslighting", "Ghostings", and "crazy-making". Often this will feel worse to victims than physical violence. At least broken bones and bruises heal. What is in the mind takes much longer to heal and the victim might have a long road to finding themselves again after a break up.

{Gaslighting-  A manipulative tactic that manipulators will use to create doubt in the minds of their targets. They will say or do something to their victims and turn it around so that the VICTIM is to blame for the perpetrators actions. The victim begins to doubt their own judgment about events and begins to believe the manipulators lies, thus coming under their power and control.}

{Ghosting- Ghosting is similar to the Silent Treatment BUT most manipulators/abusers take it a step further. Once the victim of the ghosting has begun to move forward, the Master Manipulator comes back on the scene "love bombing" the victim, claiming they have changed, they love the victim and missed them. The victim eventually surrenders, giving the manipulator another chance. This just repeats the cycle of abuse. Most likely, several ghosting's will occur before the victim gets away...they are hooked in!}

{Crazy making. What happens when a victim is continually gaslighted and/or ghosted. They begin to feel crazy, like they REALLY ARE to blame for the abuse.}

For the record, Domestic Violence does not discriminate regarding gender, sexual preference, skin color, culture, financial situation, education or religious affiliation.

Manipulators generally work pretty fast. It starts with Love Bombing. They "fall in love" quickly. They tell victim that they are their Soul Mate, the one they've been looking for their whole life. Once the victim is hooked, let the games begin! Gaslighting, Ghosting and Crazy Making are all just a big game!

They often begin by eliminating any sources of assistance you may have such as family and friends. They will (crazy making) convince you these people are against you and don't want you to be happy. Eventually, because they are love sick, the victim may alienate those closest to them.

Most likely the abuser will control all finances so that the victim has no way out.

Manipulators are crafty. They will charm the pants off of family, friends, co-workers and counselors, thus making it hard for people to believe the victim when they do try to reach out for help. This is another tactic to ensure the victim cannot leave.

I am challenging everyone reading this to just LISTEN. Listen with your ears if someone is reaching out to you.

Pay attention if you suspect something is not right with a family, friend or co-worker. Some signs they may be in a Domestic Violence situation are:

  • An unusual amount of "accidents". If someone constantly has bruises or broken bones and claims to be accident prone, pay close attention. They could be in an abusive situation. If they will talk with you, be encouraging and see if there is some way you can help.

  • Are they in a newer relationship and have changed their hair, makeup or style of dress? People sometimes change something about themselves just because...but oftentimes it is because they are under the clutches of a Master Manipulator.

  • Have they lost interest or stopped participating in activities or anything else that they once enjoyed?

  • Do they suddenly seem withdrawn, avoiding eye contact? Any sudden onset of changes could be an indicator that they are being controlled by the person they are in a relationship with.

How did this happen and why don't they just leave?

Read the above!

They are in what is called a Trauma Bonding. Wikipedia explains it this way: Traumatic bonding occurs as the result of ongoing cycles of abuse in which the intermittent reinforcement of reward and punishment creates powerful emotional bonds that are resistant to change.

Not only is Trauma Bonding in effect, but most likely the manipulator is controlling all money. They may be monitoring phone calls and text's. In some cases the victim does not have a car. The manipulator may have people watching the victim. The victim is made to feel the problems in the home are THEIR fault!

Does this sound scary to you? If you have never been in the situation, good for you! But it's very real.

If you know someone who is a victim Domestic Violence, here are some ways you can help.

If they will talk and want to get out, can you help with shelter, money or a ride to a safe place? Do you know someone who has been a victim and have successfully moved on? Can you arrange a meeting or phone call between the two?

If they won't talk, or you can't help with any of the ideas above, prayer works wonders!

Contact your local womens shelter and learn about ways you can help.

And let's not forget aftercare. IF a victim gets out, they will need a ton of encouragement and love. Maybe rides to look for work, court appearances, and more. Just try to be there in any way you can.

No one should be treated like crap from another person! Let's stop the cycle of violence.

Thanks for listening. If you have anything to add, feel free to comment!

If you need help after getting out of a bad relationship, Let's Talk! Let's rediscover YOU!









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